Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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