wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Randomize
