Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
