guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
