Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
