ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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