Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
