Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
