An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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