My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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