i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
