I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
