i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
