Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
