as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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