Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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