Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize