What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
