There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
