Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
