remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
