so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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