..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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