Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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