So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
