OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
