I wish I could punch you in the face.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
