He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We need to rekindle our bromance
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
