conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize