I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
