i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
