I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
