Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
