I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
