Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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