wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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