My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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