so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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