Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
