Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
