Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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