I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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