hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
