and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
