it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
