Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
