He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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