oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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