how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
