Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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