he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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