Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
