Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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