brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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