Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize