My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
