i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
