weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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