I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
