i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
