love makes seman taste better
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
