and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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