I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
