there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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