Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
