I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
