Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
