When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
