the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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