When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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