I just made out with a guy for $7.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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