he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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