I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
