my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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