You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
