"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
