How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
