He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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