dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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