How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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