Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
