i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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