she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
