There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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