so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
