Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Green mimosas i think yes
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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