This is not my ceiling
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
