Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
