She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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