the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I faked an abortion last night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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