i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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