I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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