Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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